Sunday, February 8, 2009

2008 NFL Season Predictions are currently under review.....



Following the NFL draft, you usually hear the "experts" come out of the wood work to give you their predictions of the upcoming NFL Season. (You can find mine here. ) What you DON'T hear or see is the "experts" reviewing or breaking down how inaccurate their picks were, AFTER the season is complete.

I am different.

For 1 - I am not an expert

For 2 - I will have the testicular fortitude to look back on my predictions and admit my failures.

I am here today, to breakdown, make fun of, criticize, and laugh at my predictions that I made before Week 1 of this glorious NFL season.

On we go:

#50 - Chiefs rookie Glenn Dorsey will break Tom Brady's leg in Week 1 and Brady will be forced to have season ending surgery. Gisele B√ľndchen will then break up with him, he will lose his Stetson cologne commercial deal, the Patriots will go 2-14, Brady never recovers, he is forced to become a color commentator...where he fails, he then goes bankrupt, loses everything he has, accepts a deal to be on the Surreal Life, Mark Cooper from "Hanging with Mr Cooper" punches him in the face for eating all the bread, he is kicked out of the house, (the girl who played Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell cries), and then finally he tries to come back to the NFL, signs a deal with the Cleveland Browns, throws five interceptions in his first game.....everyone forgets he ever existed and he never makes the hall of fame. HA.

- OK. What a way to start this. Plus one for Steve. Now I know not every single detail has (yet to) come true but, I did predict Tom Brady would be lost for the season. Chiefs rookie Glenn Dorsey was not the culprit but a man known as Bernard Pollard was solely responsible for knocking #12 out for the season.

Result of my prediction: Matt Cassell becomes Bostonians new man crush, but the Patriots miss the Playoffs and rumors of trading Mr. Brady begin to swirl.

Give this prediction a field goal. 3-0 Steve.

#49 - Whenever defenses are sitting in a "zone" in the Nickel or Dime packages and the Washington Redskins run Trips Left Z-Y Renegade Post Fling Retro Eight Slant Out, they usually hit a nice 10 yard out-route to Antwaan Randle El.

- This was me just TRYING to be an expert. Every NFL defensive coordinator read my blog and thus led to another sub par year for Antwaan Randle El in a Skins uniform. Sorry dude.

No score on this prediction. Push. Still 3 - 0 Steve.


#48- Someone from the Cincinnati Bengals will be suspended before the season ends.

- Chad Johnson sat out the Thursday Night Football matchup against the Steelers due to "team issues." That was the closest they got to a suspension. Hell they even brought back Chris Henry.

No points. 3-0 after 3.


#47 - More people will attend "Madden Bowl 09" than the Cardinals - 49ers Week 1 match-up.

- I have no attendance figures to back this up, but I am pretty sure this was way off.

Result of my predicition: A failed joke by Steve.

Negative 2 points. 1-0 Steve.

(Don't ask about the scoring, I am making it up as I go.)


#46 - Brett Favre will just be Brett Favre.

- True. He threw a bunch of touchdowns AND interceptions. And he was in a bunch of jean commercials. He was Brett Favre.



Result of my prediction: He wasn't Chad Pennington. ANNNNNNNNNNND that's why the Jets weren't in the Playoffs. Oh snap.

Good prediction and I just served Brett Favre. 8-0 Steve.

#45 - Mario Williams will continue to prove to all the "haters" out there that he was a better number 1 pick than Reggie Bush would have been.

- True. Mario Williams made the Pro Bowl. Reggie Bush was plagued by injury. Point Steve.

Boom. Touchdown. 15-0 Steve.


#44 - Those who drafted Adrian Peterson before LT (in fantasy football) will regret that decision by Week 3.

- Wrong. LT was a bust and Adrian Peterson was arguably the most important fantasy player this year. LT was hurt and overshadowed by Darren Sproles impressive playoff performance against the Colts. Probably jinxed LT on this one. Sorry dude.

errrrrrrr. Blocked punt returned to the house. 15-7 Steve


#43 - Jessica Simpson will never, and has never, had any affect on the outcome of a National Football League regular season or playoff game.

- True. We saw less and less of Jess this year. Which was nice.

Irrational prediction that failed as a joke. Still 15 -7

#42 - CBS Announcer Gus Johnson will yell. A lot.


- If you watched an NFL game - you heard Gus Johnson yelling. And he probably wasn't even calling the game you were watching.

No points awarded. Gus Johnson is currently yelling at church. 15-7 still.

#41 - Edgerrin James will finally have a good year for the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals just won't have a good a year for Arizona.

- Holy balls. Did I really write this? This was more inaccurate than my Astrology tests in College. "The Cardinals won't have a good year for Arizona." Ha! I shouldn't be allowed to watch sports again. If they would have beaten the Steelers in the Super Bowl - THIS would have been why. I am an ass

(Editors note: I am re-reading all of these predictions for the first time right now. Should have told yinz that at the beginning -sorry.)

Interception returned for a touchdown. The defender kicks me in the balls on the way to the end zone and then poos on my logo. 15-14 Steve.
#40 - The Steelers will run through the proclaimed "toughest schedule in the NFL" to win the AFC North Division.

- Boom. Point. Beat the Chargers, Jaguars, Patriots, Cowboys, and the Ravens..... twice!

Gimmie a field goal. 18-14 Steve

#39 - 39....is the number of Patriots Running Back Laurence Maroney. Which not coincidentally, is the maximum amount of yards he will rush for in a single game this year.

Haha. I really like this one. I looked it up a Maroney ran for 51 yards in Week 1. Sadly he ran for 98 total for the season.

I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul. (Billy Madison reference.)

#38 - The Miami Dolphins will win more games, but no more than 5.

- Annnnnnnd it continues. I was waaaaaaaay off. The Dolphins were unreal this year. I truly loved watching them play. The Wildcat was kind of lame and collegeish - but it worked! Dolphins made the playoffs and I am still not an analyst or expert.

The NFL (who I am playing) hits a 4 pointer. 18-18 tie ball match.

#37 - One of the Dolphins wins will be against...yes....The New England Patriots. Week 12.

- Yikes. Pat's beat the Fins - 48 to 28 in Week 12. Shoulda said Week 3. Ah well.

NFL kicks a field goal. 21-18. Shit.


#36 - The hardest division in football will be the AFC South, Colts, Jags, Texans, Titans.....not really going out on a limb on that one Steve.

- Apparently I still talked to myself way back when I made these picks. Colts and Titans (arguably the NFL's best regular season team) both made the playoffs. The Jags were a major disappointment and the Texans look like a team on the rise. I was half right. Does that make sense? The NFC East was the clear powerhouse in the NFL.

No points awarded. Halftime. Halftime should really be #25, but I gotta pee. Wanted to say "tinkle" but I am not 7. Be right back.

#35 - At one point in time you will see Sage Rosenfels as a starting Quarterback in your fantasy league.

- You know you started him.

Safety! 21-20 Steve!


#34 - Despite early suspensions, Steve Smith and Brandon Marshall will make the Pro Bowl and be in the top five in receiving throughout the year.
- Brandon Marshall had a 19 catch game and Steve Smith led the league in receiving.

Points - Steve. Two field goals, how about that!?? 26-21 Steve

#33 - I will retract statement number thirty-four by Week 6.
- Nope I didn't.

#32 - Despite being retired, Dick Vermeil will cry....
- A failed joke.

28-26 NFL.

#31 - Adam Jones will make his triumphant return to............ the gentleman's club.
- What a massive failure this guy is. He is a bigger failure than that Speed Racer movie. Pacman was hurt, suspended 4 games, then cut by the Cowboys. I am sure he is at the Crazy Horse now.

28-28 Tie ballgame.

#30 - Someone will break Antonio Cromartie's record 109 yard touchdown return, by returning a kickoff 110 yards for SIX!!

- Didn't happen. BUT, did you hear about this play in the Super Bowl where James Harrison returned an interception 100 yards? It was pretty impressive.

Eh. No score. 28-28.

#29 - This year's fantasy version of Ryan Grant will be DeAngelo Williams.

- Gimmie some credit on this one. Come on, come on. DeAngelo was a beast and helped many teams win their fantasy leagues. I know this. I lost mine because of DeAngelo. Good pick, Steven!

Interception by Braband returned to the end zone for a touchdown! 35-28 Steve.

#28 - This year's fantasy version of Adrian Peterson WON'T BE Darren McFadden or Jonathan Stewart.

- More correct predictions for me! Jonthan Stewart was servicable but had nowhere near the rookie campaign that A - Pete had. You would have thought I would have won some fantasy games huh?

5 pointer. 40-28 Steve. I like even numbers.



#27 - I won't be writing a mid-season version of "50 Facts I think might be true"

- Didn't happen. Technically a correct prediction but also technically stupid.

Next........

#26- The Steelers will beat the Cowboys, Patriots, Chargers and Giants.

- 3 out of 4 aint bad. Great season. Great prediction.

Safety 42-28 Steve!

#25 - But they will lose one of their games against the Bengals.

- I can't believe I wrote this sentence.

#24 - Bill Belichick will wear a hoody with full length sleeves once the weather turns. I have big money on this.

- You let me down homeless man.

42-30 Steve.

#23 - Man crush aside, I truly believe Plaxico Burress will have more receiving yards than Randy Moss.

- Final stats. Randy Moss - 1,008 yards. Plaxico Burress - 454 yards. Boy did I jinx this man's season.

42-33 Steve.

#22 - Once the season is over, the Atlanta Falcons will be on the clock.

- Just take a second....let this sink in.....now.....point and laugh at me. Holy crap. Wow. Like......really? I thought the Falcons were going to be worse than the Lions and Raiders. Not only were they better than them, they made the Playoffs?!!? I couldn't have been more WRONG. I truly believed this too.

NFL has a kickoff returned for a touchdown, on sides kick, and drives to kick a field goal. A ten point swing. 43-42 NFL.

#21 - Rumors as to which team Bill Cowher will be coaching in 09 will start around Week 11.

- Started once coaches started getting dropped when the season ended. Technically a terrible prediction. Want a prediction inside a prediction? Cowher won't coach again. Boom.

Why do I keep saying Boom? NFL kicks another field goal in the longest game ever played 46-42 NFL.


#20 - Desean Jackson will win at least two games on kickoff returns for the Eagles.
- He was a MAJOR factor in the Eagles kick return game. Steve - "Hey Ashley (my girlfriend and large Eagles fan), did Desean Jackson win any games for the Eagles on kickoff returns!?!" Ashley - "Win any??? No."

There ya have it. NFL is on a role, they just hit another three. 49-42 NFL.

#19 - Warren Sapp won't win Dancing with the Stars.

- He got second. I can't believe I know that.

No points. Second halftime. Mom serves orange slices to the team.

#18 - JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden will give the Raider fans something to be happy about for next year. But that's it.
- Eh. Maybe. I don't know. Anyone have an opinion on this? Anyone watch a Raiders game this year? Not I.

No points.

#17 - Michael Vick leads his team to a huge come from behind victory over "the guards," and then they will make a movie about it.
- Failed joke by Steve.

NFL is awarded 12 points due to the stupid nature of this comment. 61-42 NFL.


#16 - The Week 17 match up between the Panthers and Saints will determine the NFC South champion.
- Well it technically did. Just not in the subtext as to which I wrote this prediction. If the Panthers would have lost this game - the FALCONS would have won the NFC South. So in a way, I was right and wrong.

No points. Common theme around here....

#15 - The first "Postgame Press Confrence Tirade" will belong to Herm Edwards.
- I didn't know Mike Singletary would be a Head Coach by the end of the season.

Singletary with the Safety! 63 to 42 NFL.

#14 - Wade Phillips and Norv Turner will continue their streaks as the "most boring coaches" in the NFL.
- These guys showed no emotion and their teams were total train wrecks.

Put it on the boaaaaaard AH YES! 2 points. 63 to 44.

#13 - I will try to think of something positive to write about the Patriots before the season ends.
- Nope didn't happen.

Zero points for irrelevant prediction. I really could have made this better.

#12 - Peyton Manning will pass for more yards and touchdowns than Tom Brady.
- YES! Annnnnd he won MVP while Mr. Brady was limping up to Giselle's apartment.

Points Steve. 63 to 54 NFL. Hell yeah that was a 10 pointer.

#11 - Usain Bolt will not suite up for any NFL team.

- This did not happen.

Due to the lack of a BOLD prediction being made - I get zero points.

#10 - Shawne Merriman will ruin his career if he plays on his injured knee.
- Shawne ended up on IR and was smart about his knee. I love watching guys with his intensity play, so hopefully he will be back next year.

No points. Just me trying to sound smart.

#9 - The New York Giants will not repeat as Super Bowl Champions, not breaking any limbs on this one either.

- Lost Osi for the year. Brand Jacobs was hurt throughout the season. Plax shot himself. Eagles dominated the Giants - TWICE. No repeat champs! No repeat champs! Repeating as Super Bowl champs is harder than the boner I had when the Steelers won.

Points Points Points Points dun nun nun nun nuuuuuuuuuun POINTS! 63-60. Missed the extra point.

#8 - Brett Favre WON'T take the Jets to the playoffs.

- I think if I ever stepped foot in New York, people would shoot me. Not because their murder and crime rate is so high but because, I totally jinxed each of their teams. Maybe one less Wrangler commercial would have sealed the deal for the Jets. That or, one less interception.

FIELD GOAL. Tied game 63-63.

#7 - Saints, Packers, Cowboys, Seahawks, Lions, and Giants will represent the NFC in the Playoffs

- Oh good lord. First off, the Saints, Packers and Cowboys were all HUGE disappointments. The Giants got in. OK. But seriously, I said the Seahawks......AND....the LIONS were going to make.....THE. PLAYOFFS. The Lions didn't win a game. The Seahawks won two, maybe three, nobodies counting. I got one right. Like I said before - I shouldn't be allowed to watch sports anymore. The Lions? Really?

The NFL just tossed Gatorade on their coach because they just hit the Rock n Jock 25 point basket.

88-63.

#6 - Colts, Patriots, Steelers, Chargers, Jaguars, and the Browns will represent the AFC in the playoffs.

- I didn't think this could get worse. The Browns? I had a better chance at stealing John Clayton's job then the Browns did of making the playoffs. 3 out of 6? I don't know man. The Browns? I can't believe that. I wouldn't be surprised if the Browns didn't make the playoffs for the rest of my existence on planet earth. Brady Quinn is a baby.

90 - 63. NFL. Yep, I will continue to keep score. Deal with it.

#5 - Number six counts as my "one positive thing to say" about the Patriots this year.

- I don't even get this joke.

No points. I wanna quit.

#4 - It will be Steelers - Cowboys in the Super Bowl

- Close. The Steelers - Cowboys regular season match up had a Super Bowl feel and a SUPER outcome. But my Super Bowl prediction was wrong.

Until, I predicted........


#3 - Your Super Bowl 43 Champions will be the...... Pittsburgh Steelers

- WOOOOOOOOOOO! Great pick. Great pick, Steve. But as my roommate Matt points out, "you would have picked the Steelers to win the Super Bowl if they went 0-16 last year." I stand corrected. Yes, I stand when I blog.....


Steelers WON THE SUPER BOWL. WOOP WOOP!

7 points for the prediction. Negative 4 points for saying "woop - woop."

90-66 NFL.

#2 - I probably just lost all of my 12 readers.

- Not a prediction. Fail.

92-66 NFL

#1 - I will retire from blogging....but then un-retire......but then stay retired...then ESPN will offer me 20 million to stay retired from blogging....I will LIVE blog all of my retiring decisions....then I will be traded to Fox Sports. I just won't be the same....

- This was my attempt at a Brett Favre joke. Fail number 17.

100 - 66 NFL.

All in all, my predictions were very subpar. It was fun to look back at how off base I was and how great off an NFL season it was. Nobody could have predicted this season and, nobody will ever predict the exact outcome of any NFL Season. That is why it is the BEST professional sport in the World.

Until next year.....

HERE WE GO STEELERS!!

2 comments:

LEGAME58 said...

WOW.. just wow..

start planning the draft party NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

steveisafag said...

your a douch bag

**DISCLAIMER**

In no way, shape, or form is this blog associated with ESPN or any ESPN properties. This blog is simply just a guy writing about his love for sports. Please be aware of this.